Chris and Alec Visit the Credibility Gap (The News thread)

[Melancholy Man]

It seems that Chris and I have been the main contributers to the noos thread, so we've taken over. Sorry about that. Everyone else is free to comment, but we have the viewing platform.

And just to show that violence occurs elsewhere.

[Townie]

I aint the best sraffie by a long chalk. It'll have to be one of the english lit. types who start incisive, thought provoking threads. I just talk a lot of rubbish.

I started posting on the Gap thread quite recently

[Will]

Who does what?

[David F]

It's you, Alec. I prostrate myself before your extraordinarily extraordinary sraffieness. I remove my hat in a sweeping bow and tug my forelock really quite hard. I offer a sacrifice of those ~*dugong*~ vicious chickens from round the corner. At least tell me to go and trample on their precious flowers.

Anyway, who's Chris?

And what's a sraffie?

And you do know I'm not registered to vote, yeah?

[Justine]

*gasp* you don't know what a sraffie is? or are you being sarcastic?
actually, i think i was out of the loop on what a sraffie is for a long time.

[Peter]

Isn't this all a bit premature? Sraffie Awards 2007 aren't for ages yet...

[Townie]

Anyway, who's Chris?

How dare you?!

I know you, you used to have a lovely wolf avatar, what's happened to it?

[Melancholy Man]

He lost it when he went back into the closet. Poofter!

[David F]

gasp* you don't know what a sraffie is?

Course I do. It's Welsh for giraffe. Or is it Gaelic... Yes! It's Welsh for Gaelic.

How dare you?!

I'm sorry I offended you. But do try and understand (and pass on next time you see him/her) that I don't know who Chris is because I don't know who Chris is.

Anyway, it was truth or dare. And the truth was, as ever, unpalatable.

I know you, you used to have a lovely wolf avatar, what's happened to it?

You mean you can't see it? It can see you.

He lost it when he went back into the closet. Poofter!

What, having sex with men makes me gay now? You and your narrow-minded parochial ways.

As you can see, I went back in the closet (alright, wardrobe) and came out the other side. First I'm a brimming colostomy bag, now I'm a (searches for rhyme...nope) poofter. Is this how you treat all your crushees?

[Melancholy Man]

David, I've said some nice things about you before. Remember when I asked if I saw an outpouching of your uterus in a pocket, or if you were pleased to see me?

[Qu Klaani]

Hilary in political opprtunism shocker...

She was whining about video games and violence recently, this woman has failed Presidential campaign written all over her.

"I want us to imagine if extremist terrorists were launching rockets across the Mexican or Canadian borders," she said. "Would we stand by or defend ourselves against the extremists?"

I can't help but enjoy an American politician saying basically, if the circumstances were right she'd bomb the ~*pineapples*~ out of Canada. I get the feeling a few Neocons would like to anyway.

[David F]

Yeah, and when was that? And when did you last send me flowers?

Anyway, that's your idea of nice? No wonder the gurls started that rumour of you having The Lurgee.

[Melancholy Man]

The girls have never said I have the lurgee. They do, however, think I'm n-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ce.

[Jammy]

*ponders at the sense in closing the old thread and making a new one on the same subject*

[David F]

The girls have never said I have the lurgee. They do, however, think I'm n-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ce.

"You're really great. Like a brother."

"Really? Thanks. So did you see Jerry Springer the other day..."

Yo, Blair! Brilliant. A news item that allows the country to cringe and the Beeb to say '~*pineapples*~' a lot.

[Melancholy Man]

Yo Blair, how's it hanging? Give's five, dude!

There were so many different levels to that story. First off, the faux prudery of some quarters which feigned shock at hearing Dubya say a BAD WORD [1]. Next, another misinterpreted Bushism. The "irony" is indeed that Israel's not targetting Syria [2]. She's got the right idea, i.e. to smash Hezbollah, and Lebanon has no mean responsibility in have not having tackled it before, but is following the wrong tactic in not going for the real puppet master. The responses of Iran and Syria - both calling for Hezbollah to accept some sort of ceasefire - suggest that some hotheads in Hezbollah statelet have tipped their hand and shown the rest of the world weapons we weren't supposed to know it had.

Finally, the smirk on Putin's face as Blair realized the mic was on. Oh, that was a mistake. Whoops.

Isn't this all a bit premature? Sraffie Awards 2007 aren't for ages yet...

This is not democracy, Peter. I'm not asking for opinions. This is a vote in the General Woundwort sense.

[1] I will swear if I like. Swearing is cool. Swearing makes me clever. The more I swear, the bigger my nob becomes, and it is currently the size of Dundee.

[2] Of course, the thought of bombing Syria sets up a cottage pie factory in my breiks. Let's not go there.

[Townie]

Well, two blokes in their 50's greet me at work saying "Yo, Chris". When challenged they say their teenage offspring say 'that word'. Bloody hell, I thought 'Yo' went out with the ark, we were saying it in the 80's. I mean I had to verify with my teenage cousin what 'Nang' meant the other week.

'Yo bum, rush the show' as they say/said...

[Melancholy Man]

What does 'nang' mean?

[Townie]

Apparently it means something 'really good'.

[Melancholy Man]

Now, just to make clear I am *not* Melanie Philips - as someone accused me of being today [1]. I'm sure people have heard of a busload of kiddies blasted on a Lebanese highway. A disasterous, terrible ~*iguana*~ up, images of which were thrust at me today by a lunatic with a keffiyah.

Normally, I would employ a degree of detachment from such images that we've become accustomed to invoking since the Hindenberg. The thousand yard stare of mass media. I would also realize their propaganda value in whipping up indignation at one side - a nice comfortable rage from the insulation of our lives here, not related to the horror at war deaths regardless of the side which comes from first hand experience and one which I hope I never experience. An almost pornographic experience.

There were the stock images of shattered or charred kiddies. However, one image was of a girl about eight with no visible injuries. No shoes, one leg hooked under the other, neck curiously bent and eyes still open. A vacant and dead stare.

It was one of the most melancholy, most upsetting images I've ever seen.

[1] This was entirely in jest. He apologized when he saw my hurt stare, and said I'm more like PJ O'Rourke.